I had planned on writing this weeks ago, but failed to do so. But I think it's important to share because it was the perfect example of a typical day in life of a widow and children...
So, the other day the kids and I rode our bikes to the park. It was a gorgeous Friday afternoon. It's a park that near our home that we go to often, and normally is not very busy. But today was different. On this particular day there was families everywhere. By families I am referring to Moms & Dads with their children. At this small quiet neighborhood park there were couples everywhere with their children. This is a great thing...but tough to watch when that "use to be" my life!!! And it seemed they just kept coming. I didn't notice it at first, but then I saw my oldest off in the grass withdrawing herself from the situation. I went over to sit with her, asking if everything was alright. She sadly said, "No, you know what's wrong!" (Which meant she was thinking about her daddy. This is a common comment that she uses when frustrated and sad.) Then it hit me... WOW, we were the other family at the park that did not have both a mom and dad together. See that's the reality of our world. And it kills me that my precious baby noticed it, and remembered back to the days when we all (daddy included) would go to the park and play. Ryan was such an active, fun, energetic dad who played for hours with the kids.
I sat with my daughter talking and reminiscing of old times until she smiled and laughed, soon back playing with her siblings.
Then later that same day, my son came to me crying for no apparent reason. I picked him up on my lap and holding him. "What's the matter," I asked. He said, "why did daddy have to leave? I miss him so much!" OUCH! Once again I felt the pain he was feeling and desperately wished I could take away the pain. It is so heart wrenching for me at times when I am made aware of the fact that my kids DO NOT HAVE A DAD who is present and tangible in their lives. It's not that they don't have amazing family and friends who help out, but I am talking about having a DADDY to play at the park with, wrestle or play catch with. It can be a real bummer, to say the least.
I know I am not alone in this feeling. There are many others who feel this pain daily because of a loss of loved one, or maybe a broken relationship. In those moments when you feel so alone, call out to God for comfort and He will meet you where you are at if you let Him. That's what I always try to remember in the midst of these events. I know it is only with His strength and peace I will be able to make it through the many times we may face days like this.